03x04 watch the thrones: some wounds go deeper
by She'sAknightOfknights
Summary: oneshot: Lexa finally makes her way up to her room after a long day, only to find her gaurds have vanished. She prepares for the worst but finds a pleasantly unexpected guest in her room. (written before the show aired so not canon but still cute.)


Clarke didn't think her heart would ever stop pounding in her ears, thumping against her chest as if it were attempting to escape. Nor did she realize that her nails had cut deep grooves in the palms of her hands as she dug her fingers deeper to keep from yelling out. She never wanted this. Any of it. The war, the betrayal the fight to the death. Lexa fighting for her life because of Clarke. But here they were.

With a final swift movement the fight was over. Lexa stood, panting and worn out, but determined to bathe in her victory. Clarke let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. A chorus of noise erupted around her but she didn't join in. She stands there waiting, she glances at you her eyes finding yours, like you knew they would. You stare back, you knit your eyebrows asking the question

 _Are you ok?_

You hate yourself for needing to know. Her eyes are still hard and cold from her duel, but after your unspoken question they soften, her lips part then close as if she thought better than to speak. Instead she gives an imperceptible nod then glances away in the distance then back at you. You get the message

 _Later_

And with that she stiffens and turns to address the ambassadors. You take that as your cue to leave. Following Lexa's gaze you see that she looked at the tower. Seemingly on their own your legs begin to carry you in this direction. Later she had said. How much later you wonder. Lost in thought you find yourself in the shadow of the tower sooner than you anticipated. You glance back to the commotion and resign yourself to waiting. Lexa had waited months for you, the reasonable part of Clarke reminded her.

The sun had almost set by the time Lexa decided she had had enough of politics. With her few final orders she delegated less enjoyable tasks to those she trusted to complete them and left the room. The tower was never quiet, people from all the clans were welcome here. Lexa picked her way between the visitors, accepting praise and answering questions as was her duty, but she was tired. Months of worrying and fighting for her life was finally taking its toll on her. She ducked into an empty hall at her first opportunity and made her way up to her room, her gaurds as always following close on her heel.

Reaching the top floor where the commander resided she looked around. Here there were only gaurds patrolling the halls waiting for her commands. She sighed. Even in this area she couldn't drop her guard. Someone was always watching. Waiting for a sign of weakness. As she reached the doors leading into her chambers she stopped. Here there was someone day and night. But there were none standing post. She looked around, her hand reaching for her sword. She looked to her gaurds and nodded . She pushed the door open and entered. Looking around nothing was out of place, she crept slowly further into the rooms. To the right was the entrance to another room where she slept. With out making a sound she made her way into the room, her breath caught in her chest. Standing at the window was Clarke. Lexa exhaled and signaled for her gaurds to stand down.

'You were right' Clarke turned to face Lexa. Her gaze fell onto Lexas figure taking her in head to toe, pausing at her hand on the hilt of her sword then looking past her to Lexas gaurds.

'Leave us' she commanded. Her gaurds hesitated for only a moment then backed away as quietly as they had come in. In the silence they heard the doors close. They were completely alone. But lexa didn't trust herself to speak yet. Clarke turned around and stared out the window once more. It was a beautiful view. One Lexa found herself staring at more and more these past few months as if by staring she could see where Clarke was hiding. Without thinking she found herself moving to stand by Clarke at the window as if some invisible force were pulling her forward. She needed to be near her.

'How did you get in?' She asked glancing at Clarke. For a moment Clarke didn't move then she smirked. Lexas stomach fluttered. She placed her hands behind her back and forced herself to stare forwards.

'I walked up and told them you ordered them to be elsewhere' Clarke finally answered.

"They would never have left their post unless I ordered them to" Lexa replied.

"that's what they said" an even bigger smirk crossed Clarkes face.

"…Then?" you turned your head to face Clarke, curiosity getting the better of you.

With a final glance at the lights of Polis flickering beneath them, Clarke turned and retreated back into the room. You turn and follow her progress with your eyes. She looks around taking the room in, walking by your bed she lets her fingers dance along the furs layered across the top. You take an involuntary gulp and once again find yourself following her. You'd follow her anywhere you think to yourself.

When you are once again standing behind her, Clarke turns, slowly at first as if afraid she might scare you off. Then seeing you standing right behind her she gives a small satisfied smile, like an inside joke only she knows. Her arm reaches up slowly to touch your face, her fingers brush against your cheek then down your jaw and to your neck. You squeeze your eyes closed and your breath catches in your chest, you stiffen. She retracts her hand and instantly you regret being so obvious. She makes a soft clicking noise and you open your eyes. Her eyes are so deep. And you think of how much you'd love to drown in them.

She arches her eyebrows asking

 _Do you trust me?_

You lick your lips, you can't do anything else. Your limbs are so heavy, you don't think you could lift a finger to defend yourself if you tried. She takes that as a yes and never breaking eye contact she reaches for your shoulders. You're so lost in her gaze you don't realize what she's doing until your feel your cloak hit the floor with a heavy _ffmph_ With the same care and gentleness she takes off your belt and sword. Your dangerous without them but Clarke doesn't seem to care. _How is it that so much has happened without any words being said?_ You feel like you should say something. She must be able to read your mind because her eyes become suddenly sharper. Her hands have found their way to your chest, can she feel your heart beating? She must. You have to say something the silence is so loud. You need to hear her speak.

"Clarke… I-" before you can get out the rest of your thought she pushed you back. Your legs hit something and you fall back. You brace yourself for a long fall but your landing is… soft? You glance around quickly and barely contain a gasp. You're sitting on your bed. Your brain is reeling at the thought. How? When did it get there? Your mind races… its almost as if she planned this. Then it clicks in your head she did. She knew you would follow her, knew where to stop so that you would stand exactly where she wanted you. You glance up at her and give her the best glare you have.

Clarke smiles, her eyes bright seeing that you've caught on to her joke.

"You're bleeding, you didn't go to a healer before you came here" she says it as a fact because she knows you. How are you so transparent to her? She knew you would come here and send for her. Which means she came here to wait for you. The thought surprises you. You look around for something to say but she has produced a tray of bowls and cloth and is looking at your expectantly.

"I'll start with your hand" Clarke reaches for your left hand which has been hastily wrapped to stop the bleeding. She's quick to grab it, as though she thinks you would pull away. You wouldn't dream of it. She sits next to you on your bed. Your heart is beating so loud you think she's being polite by pretending she can't hear it. She works slowly and you're surprised at her gentleness. It's a healers job to fix you up quick and efficiently, who cares if they hurt you or your feelings in the process. It almost makes you sad. There's no room for this type of gentleness here.

Clarke works in silence, you sit there and watch her work. She finished removing the wrappings and examines your hand. She looks so sad you wish you hadn't grabbed the sword. But then she might not be here touching you. She looks away dipping a rag in water and ringing it out, she looks at you for permission before she applies it to your hand.

You find it funny that she would trespass in your room and shove you onto the bed without a second thought but she pauses here to ask for permission to clean your hand. For the first time you allow yourself a smile, and nod. She's slow to wipe the blood away, rinsing the rag and reapplying pressure. She doesn't look at you, which leaves you free to stare at her. She's thorough. You feel her gently wiping each finger, almost as if familiarizing herself with them. No that's crazy, its just your imagination. You lick your lips, you need to say something.

"Thank you, Clarke" thank you for being alive. Thank you for coming back, for staying. And thank you for giving me another chance. Im not sure how much longer I could have done this alone.

She pauses, her hands stop their cleaning and she looks at you, her face searching yours. Can she see what you're thinking? She always seems to know what you're thinking so maybe she can. Would that be such a bad thing you wonder? Finally after a minute, or maybe an hour, you can't tell. She replies.

"You're welcome, this is for our people. We can get through this Lexa. You're not alone"

WE. She said WE. Your chest expands your stomach flutters. It's all you can do to keep from standing up. So much energy is rushing through you. Tears well up in your eyes. You open your mouth but nothing comes out.

"I know" she says into the silence. Her eyes are sad, but it's a different kind of sadness. Something more than the war and the betrayal. She licks her lips and goes back to cleaning.

You feel light. Clarkes words removed another heavy burden, just as she removed your cloak. She realize she has shouldered the weight you've been carrying around. Whatever comes you will handle it together. _We_ she had said. _Us._

Figuring her wounds would take a while Lexa put on a serious face and asked

"So Clarke, about my door gaurds?"


End file.
